New levels

“The self sacrificial process that is loving and accepting love – everyone talks a big game and describes how they want IT. How they want someone.
But Love is not easy. It is not the surface level interaction so accustomed to our generation. It’s not click bait. It’s not something you scroll past. It cannot be articulated in a top 10 buzzfeed article.

It’s fucking heavy. It’s nightmares about losing someone. It’s realizing that every time you’re happy you wish they were by your side to feel what you feel and see what you see. It’s depression from distance and fear that there’s Another One like you out there. It’s straining in your sheets at the thought of them.

And I think that’s why so few are willing to participate in the exchange; it is terrifying to link part of your identity to someone else, and it is heavy to hold pieces of someone else in your hands. But it’s worth it. It’s the only thing that’s worth it. It’s vital to see where we fit with others and where they connect to us.

It’s the only thing that can set a life on fire – to reach a new level of bliss and belonging. It ignites passions. It creates harmony among beings and opens vast horizons of possibility. I can only believe that it transcends space and time – that it can be felt years later and thousands of miles away.
I have to remind myself constantly to feel the beat of my heart and sacrifice myself to those I love.
And when someone abuses this power, and when I am broken… I know I have people there to fix me.
And I will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.
We must do it more.”


“How could I not be utterly intoxicated by you? I have always lacked self-control and I have never cared to sip you slowly” 

-Kaitlin Foster 

Is this supposed to feel so tender? 

Am I supposed to feel so soft? 

Everything feels so light and you, my love, are to blame. 

Greys on the mind

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines… or you can live your life crossing them.

But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross. Here’s what I know: If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side… is spectacular.

Things to remember when you graze a memory of him

If you feel him in your veins, remember this:

He is not magical, He encapsulated you for only a small about of time. You possess magic

He cannot give you the world. His is too flawed. You can find the world on your own.

He can’t save you. He can’t even save himself. You don’t need someone else to save you. You need to save yourself.

He does not complete you. He can’t even finish what he started. You don’t need anyone to complete yourself. You have it all inside.

He is not original. His actions are repetitive. You are original.

He is not special. He gives himself freely. You are special.

He is not worth you time. He caused you more anxiety then you ever needed. You are worth your own time. Invest in yourself. Your time is valuable.

He can’t give you what you need. He can’t even give himself what he needs. You can help yourself.

He can’t support you. He can’t even support himself. You can support yourself.


What has been. (part 1)

I don’t know why I come here to write about my relationships. Nothing else in my life seems so unique and inexplainable to others. Its all so personal. So many beautiful things happen in my world each day but I find that I can talk about them freely with those who I have chosen to surround myself with. Inevitably, some bad things happen as well, and I try to seek others to discuss them with. Then there are these things. The feelings that linger in my brain that I do not have a proper outlet for. Quotes and pictures don’t do them justice because they are simply not my work. These collections of words are unique to me and I do not desire anyones opinion of them….so I bring them here.


If I close my eyes I can still hear the music you played for me that warm spring day. I was so nervous that I stared at your ceiling fan so you couldn’t see. Your words complemented the feeling that the music gave me and your touch felt like velvet. I lost myself in the sound of it all. As the days passed I stopped listening to the lyrics and started listening to the melodies. In the silence I became more aware of my fate. I know I loved you, and I knew that you would break my heart. There are some things that are worth the risk and worth the pain, and from the start you were that risk that I took that leap with minor hesitation. You promised me things that I knew were unattainable, but you flipped a switch so I drank them up. Despite your flaws you were the most beautiful and intriguing human that I had ever met, and I wanted to keep exploring you. You made me cry and I screamed along to the songs on the way home and made my way to the shower when I got home so my father wouldn’t see how blood shot my eyes were. Then you’d come back and everything would be okay even though I knew it was only temporary. I held onto you like you were slipping away and each goodbye was harder because I felt your mind drifting away. You choked on your words and instead of spitting them out you brought me flowers so that I would forget. I admired you for still going, and I admired myself for still going despite your changing moods. To this day I still don’t understand how silence can be so loud and how I was so deaf to the roaring in my own ears.